The Day Everything Cracked
by silentskulls
Summary: Nothing's right in this fanfic. NOTHING. Except that they're out of character. That much is right.


"Good day," Light said softly to the only two people who were there. "We are gathered here today to bond two people in marriage. Through sickness and death—I mean, HEALTH… until death do they part."

"We're not here for marriage," L said, trying to look over the cover of the book entitled

"Death Note". Light looked stunned. "And if we are, why was I not informed?" The blonde girl raised her hand.  
"Misa wants to get married to Light!" the girl known as Misa exclaimed. Light slapped a palm across his forehead.

"No! I don't feel like getting married!" Misa and L stared at him.

"… What about tomorrow? Will you feel like getting married then?" she asked. Light sighed, closing the book and placing it in an invisible pocket that was somewhere in his jacket.

"No. Light will not feel like getting married tomorrow," he said softly. "Light will not feel like getting married next week, or even in a month! Light does not want to marry Misa!!" L raised his hand. "You are not in a class, you two; you can stop raising your hand every blasted time you want to speak!"

"Does Light want to marry L?" L asked. Light stared at him.

"… Isn't that pedophilic?" he asked quietly. L shrugged, looking around and twitching slightly from his sugar withdrawals. "Never mind, you two are annoying me! Go do something illegal!" L raised his hand, but immediately recoiled it when he got a nasty look from Light.

"Can we go play in traffic?" he asked. Light twitched, forcing a smile on his face.

"Be my guest," he grumbled through gritted teeth. L clapped like a giddy little school girl and ran out of the church that I had never mentioned before, but they were in a church all this time whether you knew it or not, so HA! Misa looked at Light.

"He doesn't act like a 25 year old detective," she said solemnly. Light blinked, holding the bridge of his nose and growling angrily. Misa ran off, frightened by Light's evilness and emo attitude. He desperately clutched the book that was in his jacket and pulled it out, spasming for no apparent reason, but for the sake of making him seem like he's going insane, he's going to be twitching. He opened it and grabbed a pen that was only just now on a pedestal. Who knew that people would willingly leave working pens in abandoned churches?

"LOOK AT THE PRETTY TRAFFIC!!" L yelled, pointing at it with full-on excitement and a huge smile on his face. Misa blinked, looking slightly anxious. L skipped happily into the road, somehow managing to miss every car that almost hit him. "Come, Misa! Join me in my reckless abandon!" Misa sighed, rolling her eyes as he skipped around in between lanes, narrowly missing a fire truck. "Ooooh! That one's pretty!" L exclaimed as it passed. He then proceeded to making a noise that resembled the siren on the fire truck. Misa covered her ears as they became very much traumatized.

"L!!" she screeched, still covering her ears. "Misa demands that you get out of the middle of the road!!"

L he continued to write. Nothing happened… L… Again, nothing. L! L! L! L! L! Still, nothing happened.

"GOSH DANG IT!! I DON'T FREAKIN' KNOW HIS LAST NAME!!" Light yelled, kicking the pedestal. He grabbed his foot and cried out in pain. "BLOODY HELL!! THAT HURT!! DANG IT, FRICK IT!! WHAT THE HECK?! DANG IT, DANG IT, DANG IT!!" He let out another angered yell.

"Misa just heard somebody yelling…" she said quietly to herself, continuing to watch L frolic through the road and in between the cars.

"Well," Light said, a tear in his eye, "if I write this now, I won't be held responsible. After all, who'll know that it was me?"

Amane Misa

"… OH, DEAR GOD, THE PAIN!!!" Misa yelled, clutching to her neck. "I'M CHOKING!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!" L didn't hear her screams of terror over the horns of the cars and his own giggling. "L!!!! L!!! COME HELP MISA!!!" L continued to skip around, not even looking back at her while he jumped around. Unexpectedly and silently, Misa died on the side of the road in a curled lump.

"Cool! Now I won't be bothered every moment of my—OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, WHO IS THAT?!?" Light yelled, retreating from the shadow figure.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!"

"I AM RYUK!! ALL YOUR APPLE ARE BELONGING TO ME!!!" Light let out a bloodcurdling scream. "I SMELL—" Light screamed again. "I SMELL—" Light screamed louder and longer. Ryuk took a moment. "…I SMELL—" Light shrieked in a way that was so annoying that it made even the Death God cringe. He took Light by the neck and shook him back and forth. "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?! STOP YELLING!! I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU!!" Light only continued to jerk around, clasping Ryuk's hands.

"HOLY CRAP, I'M CHOKING!!!" he yelled through strangled breaths. Ryuk sighed irritably, dropping Light on the ground.

"OKAY, LOOK… I'LL LET YOU GO NOW IF YOU GIVE ME YOUR LUNCH," he told him. Light blinked.

"… Seriously? That's all you want?" he asked. He walked over to his bag of goodies and got out a sandwich bag with some crackers and a sandwich in it, a thermos filled with orange juice, and a paper bag filled with a cupcake and an apple, along with a tube of Pringles (I DO NOT OWN THE PRINGLE COMPANY!! D8). "Take it. I don't want it."

"YES!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETED!!" Ryuk yelled. He took the lunch and laughed manically before erupting into a fit of coughs. He cleared his throat before laughing again. Light only stared at him.

"Look, I gave you my lunch, now are you gonna eat it or not?" he asked. Ryuk stared at him. Without looking at what he was grabbing, he took only the apple, shoved it whole in his mouth, and tossed everything back at Light. Ryuk abruptly began choking and died at once. Light stared at him. "… Dude? You okay?"

L was still fiddling around in the streets, happy as can be. He still hadn't noticed Misa's dead body.

"What was that, narrator?" L asked, stopping in the road and looking up at the sky. He didn't even notice that big car coming towards him. "What car?" TOO LATE!! The car smacked him and he got run over. But, I'm the author/narrator, so I decided that he's still alive, because he's just plain awesome. "Wow! My body is bending in ways that I don't think it should be!" And then another car came, ran him over, and he died. SADNESS!!

Light was now poking Ryuk with a long stick, making sure that he was all dead. Ryuk didn't move, so Light found it appropriate to drop his guard.

"Hey, look! The apple's still in his mouth! Let's take it out," he exclaimed, leaning down and grabbing a hold of it. Unfortunately, he found it difficult to rip the apple from his mouth. Huffing, he found a pair of pliers from who-knows-where and secured them around the outside of the apple, pulling on it with both hands. Nothing happened. "I don't like having stuff not happen…" he whispered. Turning back to Ryuk, he kicked the apple as hard as he could. It popped out of his mouth, landing on the ground with a satisfying thud. Light smiled, gasping happily. "I did it! I'm so proud of myself! I must spread the good news!" So he ran outside, only to find Misa's dead body. But he was a jerk and didn't care. He walked through the traffic, unharmed, and found L's battered body. He stared at him for a moment, but I guess the moment was too long, as a car came speeding towards him and— "This isn't fair," he whimpered. Suddenly, the car collided with Light and killed him and the world was thrown off balance, because, somehow, the fact that he killed all those people reflected the outcome of the world and now that he died the balance of gravity, meaning, and sugar was thrown excessively off-course, so everyone was now extremely mood-swingy and insane. And it was all his fault! So HA!!


End file.
